if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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