So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When are your genitals available?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
