just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
