He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
