Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
