woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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