I need help removing her.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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