btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I love you. Go after that dick
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
