Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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