I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
