I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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