he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
