do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
