yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
