come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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