Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
