Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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