I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
