u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
