Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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