I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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