dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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