I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
