The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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