: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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