Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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