Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
