First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
