hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
