Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
