apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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