i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
