if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
