TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
