how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
