Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
