Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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