I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If I die, sorry about rent.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
