she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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