i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
