My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
