Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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