My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
