where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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