i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
