NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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