Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
