You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
