Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
