My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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